You Can’t Change A Person

It is said that you cannot change someone else; all you can do is change yourself. That’s so true, however, you can ask a manager/trainer/leader in business, what do they do in coaching/training/feedback, if they really do not have any power to change.

This is what I believe in – You cannot change someone who does not want to change, however, you can still do something. Are you doing this?

To figure this out let’s first classify the different types of people you come across:

i) Those who just do not want to Change
ii) Those who do not want to Change because they do not think it is possible to Change.
iii) Those who are really unhappy with their status-quo and really want to come out of it.
iv) Those who are really motivated to Learn something that they think might help them to reach their dreams their goals quicker.

As a leader, you work with all kinds of people but the most difficult are the one’s who fall in the first category. Reminds me of the saying, “You can take the horse to water but cannot make it drink”. However, if you do come across someone who is category; your goal should be very clear and that is simple – “take the horse to water”, at least, and that is because the rest you cannot do, you do not have control over.

What more can you do, if you really want to give more than 100%. Make the horse understand why should it drink water, obvious but not an easy thing to do. But before that you need to understand, why would a horse not like to drink water? I mean isn’t it silly.

Hey let’s try to figure out what we are trying to do. What I am trying to discuss here is probably every manager’s/trainer’s/leader’s predicament. Why are some people not doing what they are supposed to do? Why are they ignoring something that is there bread and butter and still okay with this. Why?? (Not motivated) But let me tell you my experience; till the predicament part we are on the same page. Now see the difference. A real good manager/trainer/leader would ask himself/herself this why?? and then focus all of his/her energy to get to an answer because a prognosis can be good only if the diagnosis was right. However, many of the leader do not ask themselves this immensely important why?? This is where the difference lies. WHY??

You cannot change someone else. Agreed. Change yourself… Simple isn’t it. Now ask yourself this question are you trying to cure the symptom or the real problem.

You just can’t go by symptoms, you need to work on the root cause (a very common word; I must say, and hence has lost it’s importance).

I feel like leaving it here, here when I say, if you have taken the horse to the water and still the horse is not drinking it; FIND OUT WHY?? Once you find out the why, you can also figure out a simple solution to it which will be good for both the parties.

Best Wishes…
Harsh Bhushan
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~ by Harsh Bhushan on May 12, 2010.

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